1/30/02
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Dear customer; For optimal service, cooperation and results, please adhere to the following advise.

1. Do not bring your machine in for service or repairs until at least 3 terminal problems have been inflicted. You have an option here, these three items can be either due to total lack of maintenance or the result of your inept repairs, or combination thereof.
2. Be sure to twist every adjusting screw or knob you can find. Round off as many nuts as you can with the incorrect tool.
3. Don't bring in your equipment until you need it to mow your 3 month neglected lawn and the President is going to visit you at home tomorrow. If dragging in a dead rider, be sure to drop it in front of the main shop door so we have to fix it before we can do anything else.
4. When describing the problem, be sure NOT to explain anything relevant about it. Preferably, talk about your entire family history instead.
5. Ask your wife to explain about your uncle Paul's heart surgery.
6. Don't run off, stand there and stare as if you want the repair done while you wait, don't pay any attention to the fact 75 other mowers are setting in line to be repaired. If for some reason you can't hang around, leave your 7 year old to supervise.
7. Never consider cleaning your equipment. Preferably attempt to have 2 inches of built up crud and 6 inches of grass covering unit. Make sure the grass bag is still full of soggy, dripping wet grass.
8. Ask or call every ten minutes, "when will it be ready". This is especially useful when you see the engine is on the table in 100 pieces.
9. If you see the technician referencing the repair manual, be sure to mention you changed the bag on your vacuum cleaner last week, without referencing the owners manual.
10. When told that parts will need to be ordered, remind the technician that "grandpa used to fix anything with baling wire and duct tape".
11. Never back down on your story. "I didn't hit anything", "I checked the oil", "it has fresh gas", or "that's how it was when I bought it".
12. After getting the mower back home and trying it out, always call or return to the shop to complain your neighbors identical mower goes ½ mph faster.
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Please follow the above advise. We'll luv ya for it and always look forward to serving you next time. Thank you, you've made my day.

Note; Borrowed and adapted from an article by David Robinson, published at Turf Tech.

LMRM; Bob